The author, a self-admitted overtalker, details his journey to become a better listener and reduce his compulsion to talk, both online and in real life. He discusses the prevalence of men interrupting women, the addictive nature of social media, and the psychological reasons behind overtalking, such as avoiding silence and conversational narcissism. He shares tactics like deleting social media apps, embracing awkward silences, using support responses, and note-taking in meetings, noting positive changes in his relationships and work.
I was one of those men who couldn’t stop talking. Here’s how I learned to shut up and listen
Life and styleSocietyHealth & wellbeingMenWomenWork & careers
AI Summary
TL;DR: Key points with love ❤️The author, a self-admitted overtalker, details his journey to become a better listener and reduce his compulsion to talk, both online and in real life. He discusses the prevalence of men interrupting women, the addictive nature of social media, and the psychological reasons behind overtalking, such as avoiding silence and conversational narcissism. He shares tactics like deleting social media apps, embracing awkward silences, using support responses, and note-taking in meetings, noting positive changes in his relationships and work.
Trending- 1 Author had social media for nearly two decades
- 2 2024 Women in the Workplace survey by McKinsey published
- 3 Author deleted Facebook and Instagram, limited X
- 4 Author started practicing listening and silence
- 5 Author consulted communication coach Weirong Li and psychiatrist Makomborero Kasipo
- 6 Author started using tactics like 'Wait' and note-taking in meetings
- Improved relationships
- Increased happiness for the author
- Reduced social media addiction
- More impactful contributions at work
- More fruitful communication with partner
- Reduced compulsion to talk and interrupt
- Increased capacity to listen
What: An individual's personal journey and implemented methods to overcome overtalking and improve listening skills, addressing issues like social media addiction, conversational narcissism, and gender dynamics in communication.
When: Now (practicing), nearly two decades (had social media), 2024 (Women in the Workplace survey), last year (saw old mate, Weirong Li's advice, Makomborero Kasipo's characterization).
Where: University of California, Santa Barbara (study), social media platforms (X, Facebook, Instagram), Young Vic (Hamlet play), London street, Sam’s Chicken, dinner conversations, workplace meetings.
Why: The author realized he frequently interrupted others and wanted to change his relationships and happiness. Overtalking often stems from a desire to be heard, to escape silence, and from the dopamine reward of talking about oneself.
How: The author implemented several strategies: deleting social media apps (Facebook, Instagram, limiting X), embracing awkward silences, practicing support responses instead of shift responses, and using the 'Wait' methodology and note-taking in meetings. He also sought advice from communication coach Weirong Li and psychiatrist Makomborero Kasipo.