A personal account of a gay man who, after decades of struggling with social difficulties, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation, was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at age 50. He initially attributed his struggles to his sexuality and the homophobia he experienced growing up in 1980s England, but the diagnosis provided a new framework for understanding his life and behaviors.
I thought it was being gay that made my life so difficult. Then, at 50, I got an eye-opening diagnosis …
AutismMental healthHealthSocietyMediaLGBTQ+ rightsNeurodiversityAlcoholPublishingBooksCulture
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A personal account of a gay man who, after decades of struggling with social difficulties, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation, was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at age 50. He initially attributed his struggles to his sexuality and the homophobia he experienced growing up in 1980s England, but the diagnosis provided a new framework for understanding his life and behaviors.
Trending- 1 1980s: Grew up in the north of England, experienced bullying and Aids crisis.
- 2 1994: Got into Cambridge University.
- 3 Late 1990s: Started working in the media (TV, Channel 4 News).
- 4 Teenage years: Discovered alcohol as a coping mechanism.
- 5 Age 30: Realized he had never had sober sex.
- 6 For 10 years: First novel, "The Madonna of Bolton," was rejected.
- 7 A few years ago: Younger family member investigated for autism, prompting author's research.
- 8 June 2024: Spoke to GP, referred for late-in-life diagnosis.
- 9 June 5, 2025: Article published, detailing diagnosis at age 50.
- Lifelong struggles with mental health and social integration
- Self-blame
- Self-destructive behaviors
- Profound grief for lost opportunities
- Relief and self-understanding
- Ability to make life adjustments
- Neurodivergence seen as an advantage for writing
What: The author, a gay man, recounts his lifelong struggles with feeling "weird," social difficulties, intense interests, sensory sensitivities, anxiety, meltdowns, and self-destructive behaviors (alcohol, risky sex). He initially attributed these to his sexuality and homophobia but was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at age 50, which provided clarity and relief.
When: Published June 5, 2025. Mentions growing up in the 1980s, 1994 (Cambridge University), late 90s (working in media), "a few years ago" (family member investigated for autism), June 2024 (spoke to GP), "this time of year" (Mr Bates vs the Post Office).
Where: North of England (working-class town), Cambridge University, Channel 4 News, London (implied media industry location), UK (implied for GP, Cub Scouts).
Why: The author sought diagnosis to understand his lifelong difficulties and behaviors that didn't fully align with his understanding of being gay or the impact of homophobia. The diagnosis provided a framework for understanding his neurodivergence.
How: The author describes his experiences from childhood through adulthood, detailing specific behaviors (stimming, echolalia, emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitive dysphoria) and challenges (bullying, workplace issues, relationship struggles, alcohol abuse). He sought a GP referral, underwent a multi-month process including forms, interviews, and a five-hour assessment, leading to the dual diagnosis.